I took your advice and this is what came out. What do you think now? Is this better- more personal?
I asked my best friend of over twenty years what I should write about for my college entrance essay. She said, without hesitation, "You have to write about your father's suicide. That has affected and shaped you more than anything else that has ever happened to you." I was leery of this, not wanting to tell a story that would garner sympathy or pity. But then I started thinking and came to the conclusion that she is right. Because of that night my life has taken turns that I never thought would be possible, I got to attend (and later drop out of) Savannah College of Art and Design, I entered the work force, and now, ten years later, I'm ready and fully committed to continuing my education in the arts.
My father's suicide happened in late January of 2000; I had just learned to drive and not yet graduated high school. I concentrated my focus and worked hard, graduating with highest honors. The insurance settlement we received from dad's death helped ensure that I could attend SCAD. Looking back I realized I probably should have taken a year or two off before attending school. I made above average grades in my classes, but wasn't as focused as I could have and should have been. I never could have foretold it would be years later before I even begin sorting everything out emotionally. When winter break came I decided not to return to Savannah and instead returned to Florida and entered the workforce. I had a few menial jobs and failed relationships, all the while never really dealing with the turmoil and hurt that had been growing, unchecked, inside me.
I coped by escaping. I escaped through online roleplay, between the pages of books, and when that wasn't enough I left all I had and bought a one way ticket to California with thirty-five dollars in my skirt pocket and a wish in my heart. Finding heart-ache and homesickness I once again returned home to Florida. After that I worked a few different jobs, mostly in the customer service industry. Some time around 2004 I decided it was time to to stop escaping and seek help. Using my company's insurance I started seeing a councilor and was finally able to get the help I had been running from all the years before.
I have been employed the last two and a half years at Lincare, a major medical equipment supplier, working as a patient care coordinator, ensuring respiratory patients receive the supplies they need to stay healthy. In my current job and most that preceded it I would keep a sketchbook with me and doodle on my breaks; I could not count the number of times a co-worker would approach me and say, "Wow. You did that? Why are you working here?" After a while I started asking myself the same question.
I'm tired of feeling like I'm wasting my time and my talent and am finally ready to return to school. I feel as though in some ways I've withered away intellectually and artistically as one of Middle America's working class drones. I want to immerse myself in an environment that will not only allow, but encourage me to be creative, giving me the tools and assistance I require to flourish and grow as an artist and as a person. I know I'll work harder now because I want it more. Since my father's suicide I've grown both emotionally and as a woman. It is my desire that with acceptance to Ringling I can give my art this same opportunity.
Take two. I did this a couple a years ago and surprised myself by getting many of the things on the list done. "Find a way to make broccoli edible" was one, which is funny because I eat that shit nearly -every day- now.
I've just started up at sparkpeople.com and am very excited about it. I'm bunnidarling (of course) over there if you're a member and want to natter about weight loss and goals and stuff. I've been about the same weight for the past year and am ready to kick up my losses again. (thank you, Garnet!)
My clown fish died. The body is still missing. I suspect that the pistol shrimp has dragged his body under the substrate and is making a meal out of it, but I cannot be sure. I thought I saw a bit of the corpse last night and went, "Good. I know where it is now and will remove it in the morning." In the morning it was gone! Ugh! I need more members on my clean-up crew. Its dwindled lately.
I've decided I want to learn The Thriller. I've always wanted to learn it- but the excercise I will get from practicing will go along with the overall weightloss goal. Also, I just want to be able to be somewhere and break out into the Thriller Zombie dance. Why not?
I also want to learn belly dancing.
There's been a growing pain in my right forearm (the one I broke) that started Wednesday. Its not got better and if anything got worse. I made an appointment to see my orthopaedic surgeon on Wednesday and at very least get some pain management started. Tylenol and Advil are not even touching it.
My house is a mess and I'm going to clean it today. At some point I'll need to go to Kristin's to hang out and do laundry. I'll also need to go the aquarium store to get more water and have my water tested.
Harikata - $18.50 new and pristine (never tested) full bottle.
Hexennacht 2008 - $15.00 full bottle- tested once cleanly from rim
Neptune - $17.00 full above label with wand cap
The Phoenix - $15.00 Full and unused!
Imps:
LE/Rares:
*Gnome $4.50 Sylph $4.50 TAL : Temple: Greek (about a third of an imp) $5.00 or free with purchase of $20.00 King of Diamonds: (about a third of an imp) $2.00 or free with purchase of $10.00 *Cerberus (imp from the lab) probably a little more than than half full $3.00
*GCs: $2.00 each or 10$ for the lot! Glasgow Dragon's Heart Dragon's Claw Lurid Pool of Tears Prague Brisingamen Queen
I'll give a more serious update later- for now here are the movies I've watched while I was sick:
The Prestige (again) Across the Universe From Hell Titanic Quills Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End BBC presents: Tipping the Velvet
Victorian Age much? Rather!
Back to work tomorrow- the cough is still present but lighter. My head is clearer and I'm feeling better- thanks to the magic of antibiotics. I'll be posting soon <3
I'm going to post today, and try to make it a more regular habit. Not having the net or outside email at work makes it harder, though.
So whats going on with me- I'm working for a company called Lincare- I do outbound customer service for patients with sleep apnea and CPAP/BIPAP devices. The job is easy and I like the people. It will do until something better comes along.
Eric and I are still together- truckin' right along. I just helped him move into his new apartment (which is closer to me- yay!) and we've been doing pretty well. I can't believe its almost been a year.
I just started a nano-reef. I'm doing this one right and being pretty meticulous. My 8 gallon BioCube is 2 weeks old today! I have live rock crawling with coraline algae, 3 blue leg hermits, 2 scarlet reef hermits, 3 Mexican red tip hermits, 4 astrea snails, and today I'm adding my first fish- a six line wrasse! I'm excited and nervous about this whole endeavor. I have a great local fish shop: http://www.countrysideaquariums.com/ that feels like home and is so friendly! I plan on adding a mated pair of clowns, a cleaner shrimp, and a few different kinds of corals. I've always wanted a little slice of the ocean- and I'm working on creating one!
I'll try to talk about more than fish, though Eric can attest that's not been my MO lately.
I love you guys and hope you're still around. I've been keeping up with you- even though I've not really been keeping up with myself.
So Eric and I canoed the Weeki Wachee River yesterday. We had been looking forward to this for a few months now- and last week we finally made our reservations. Let me first start out by saying canoeing is hard. Much harder than either of us had expected. The website http://www.floridacanoe.com/ advertised a relaxing trip downstream with easy paddling. We figured this would be something we could handle- Eric had been canoeing before- and I had lessons many years ago in girlscouts.
Our morning started out a bit strained as we were a couple minutes late for our launch- thankfully this wasn't an issue. The trip is seven miles downstream- launching at the Weeki Wachee River nature preserve near the Weeki Wachee theme park and travels twisting and turning down to the Weeki Wachee Christian Camp. Eric and I reserved a two person canoe- he took the back and I took the front. The river is crystal clear and and flanked by beautiful Cypress, Pine, and Palm trees in all shapes and arangements. I couldn't count the many times we each said "My god this is beautiful" during our trip.
Things started out pretty rough. We ran into a lot of trees. A LOT of trees. Eric would get frustrated when I tried to help and fuss at me- getting more and more irritated until I threw my oar down in the canoe and said, "Fine. You do it." We hit a lot more trees. After a while we found this magical little spot bathed in sunlight and shadow. A group of kids about our age were already hanging out there- swimming and swinging off the rope swing into the water. Eric and I docked the boat and swam for a while- each trying our hand at the swing rope with varying degrees of success. Here we agreed to do our best to stop backbiting and just have a good time. As I went to get into the canoe so we could contine our trip it flipped over. My jaw smashed down on my oar and that hurt like a bitch- Eric was already nursing a jammed finger from the rope swing.
Without further incident we got back into the canoe and headed back down the path. We hit more trees and the bickering continued. Let me also say here that the more trees we hit the more filled with spiders our canoe became. I reflected that it was a good thing that I was no longer afraid of insects to the extent I was in my youth- there was NO way I would have been able to do what we did. The tiny spiders- and not so tiny spiders- crawling all around my bare feet didn't even faze me. The bickering didn't stop, even though we had talked about it- and things went back to being frustrating- then the canoe flipped.
We had hit a tree, and were trying to get out of it- when all of a sudden we were in the water. Miraculously we didn't lose anything important out of the boat- except for my sunglasses. Thankfully there was a fallen tree where we flipped- so Eric and I stood on the tree and steadied the canoe while we waited for help to arrive. I was at the point of a nervous breakdown- moments from spilling tears all over the river. I had just wanted us to have a good time and enjoy each other- and all we had done the entire time (about 40 minutes now excluding the break to swim) was bitch at each other. In a couple of minutes our guardian angels came by- two awesome old dudes in little kayak looking boats that they peddled. The side of the river we were on was very deep- but just a few feet over was a bank and sand to stand in. The fellas said we couldn't have flipped in a better place. They helped flip the canoe upside down to get all of the water out of it- and steadied it while we got back in.
This was the turning point in our trip. After we were humbled by the beautiful Weeki Wachee River our attitudes began to come around. We started to work WITH each other- not against each other. Eric finally admitted he didn't know what he was doing, apologized for my treatment earlier in the trip, and allowed me to help paddle. It was like a 180 change. We stopped hitting trees and really started to enjoy ourselves! He would compliment my good moves and I his. Sometimes he would call out directions- other times I would. We really bonded and it was wonderful. Thankfully all the nastiness beforehand didn't last long- the majority of our trip was spent working together and enjoying nature's beauty.
We saw mullet swimming beneath us, a brown water snake cut the water before us with his serpentine body (which freaked Eric out XD) and we even saw a manatee! We regretted not stopping to swim with it, but were just as excited and thankful to have seen it. Everyone on the river was so friendly and helpful- we had an amazing time, and are already making plans to return.
I really feel like this trip brought us closer together and deepened our love.
Canoeing is much like a relationship. One person cannot do all the work, and without good communication, understanding, and trust you'll just keep running into trees.
I'm sorry guys, I just haven't been in much of a mood to write lately. I'm taking a break right now from cleaning and sorting my apartment. Tonight I'm going to a meeting with my possible future employer. Soon this place should actually be livable and that will be nice. Things with Eric are getting better and we have learned a lot in the past few months. Its hard to believe we've already been dating for six months! CCS Medical is a bunch of cocksucking dickheads and if you have diabeetus you should never ever use their shitty services. I threw my back out week before last and they fired me because of that. I was a temp, so I have no recourse. Boo. A day before I threw out my back my hard drive crashed, and no, I didn't have it backed up. Also Boo.
I weigh 226 now- at my heaviest before I started losing weight I was 248. This makes me feel pretty great. This cute punky little skirt I've had for a while fits me again- its been over a year since it has. Eating well isn't really as hard as I thought it would be. I've discovered after many years as my nemesis, that I love broccoli. I love it best in seafood pork broth Pho, but I also enjoy it steamed and tucked inside brown rice. I can make sushi now, too. I found this awesome Korean store that has masago and the crab sticks like they use in the restaurants. I'm addicted to Silk vanilla soy milk. I don't really miss the dairy liquid at all. I'm still eating cheese, though that will stop soon. Is anyone else as addicted to Rock of Love with Brett Michaels as I am? Its like watching a train wreck- I just can't look away. Another addiction I have right now is Harvest Moon: Friends of Mineral Town for the GBSP. Last night I went through my kitchen and threw away most things that had high fructose corn syrup listed as the first or second ingredient.
Enraged Bunny Musk Full 17.50 Lotus Moon Full 17.50 Montressor Full 17.50 Fortunado Full 17.50 Dragon Moon Full 17.50 Baobhan Sith Full 12.00 Venus Full 15.00
STEP ONE. - Make a post (public, friendslocked, filtered...whatever you're comfortable with) to your LJ. The post should contain your list of 10 holiday wishes. The wishes can be anything at all, from simple ("I'd love a Snape/Hermione icon that's just for me") to medium ("I wish for _____ on DVD") to really big ("All I want for Christmas is a new car/computer/house/TV.") The important thing is, make sure these wishes are things you really, truly want.
- If you wish for real life things (not fics or icons), make sure you include some sort of contact info in your post, whether it's your address or just your email address where Santa (or one of his elves) could get in touch with you. [Note: Your home address is not required!]
- Also, make sure you post some version of these guidelines in your LJ so that the holiday joy will spread.
STEP TWO. - Surf around your friendslist (or friendsfriends, or just random journals) to see who has posted their list. And now here's the important part:
- If you see a wish you can grant, and it's in your heart to do so, make someone's wish come true. Sometimes someone's trash is another's treasure, and if you have a leather jacket you don't want or a gift certificate you won't use--or even know where you could get someone's dream purebred Basset Hound for free--do it.
You needn't spend money on these wishes unless you want to. The point isn't to put people out, it's to provide everyone a chance to be someone else's holiday elf--to spread the joy. Gifts can be made anonymously or not--it's your call. There are no guarantees with this project, and no strings attached. Just...wish, and it might come true. Give, and you might receive. And you'll have the joy of knowing you made someone's holiday special.
1. Something HAND-MADE by you! You know me and the kind of stuff I like (Mermaids- ect.) Hand made could be anything from a hemp necklace to a sculpture to something sewn or drawn. This would be the number one thing that I would like.
2. Found objects/art/old crap you don't want anymore that reminds you of me. Its nice to be thought of when people find junk.
5. A custom story or poem about mermaids/sea-folk/ect by you for me! There are some of you in particular I would like this from and you probably know who you are ;)
Robyn Forehand 1111 Pinellas St #4 Clearwater, FL 33756
Wow. I was surprised at how hard that was to do. I usually don't worry about "wanting" things for x-mas/yule anymore. I'm totally not expecting anything either.
As I type this James is busy packing up his bags and getting ready for the long flight back to California. He decided on this course of action this morning, and honestly it feels as though a large boulder has been lifted from my shoulders. Don’t get me wrong. I do love James, and I’m certain that a part of me always will, but right now just isn’t our time. I believe, and he agrees, he needs to focus on himself and his mental health- this is nearly impossible to do in a relationship.
We are parting on good terms and do hope to remain close friends, both feeling that we have gained much from this, though brief, experience. I feel deeply that we both did as best as we could.
I am looking forward to my freedom, and focusing on improving my quality of living in all ways. I think living with James has taught me a lot, and I plan on using this new knowledge to further my life. I will grow from this experience, stronger and richer, and I’m certain he will too.
Here's something to do if you're bored courtesy of: mandifer
[16 Sep 2006|01:09pm]
1.Your Middle Name: 2. Age: 3. Single or Taken: 4. Favorite Movie: 5. Favorite Song: 6. Favorite Band/Artist: 7. Dirty or Clean: 8. Tattoos and/or Piercings:
HERE COMES THE FUN ... ... ... 1. Do we know each other outside of LJ? 2. Whats your philosophy on life? 3. Would you have my back in a fight? 4. Would you keep a secret from me if you thought it was in my best interest? 5. What is your favorite memory of us? 6. Would you give me a kidney? 7. Tell me one odd/interesting fact about you: 8. Would you take care of me when I'm sick? 9. Can we get together and make a cake? 10. Have you heard any rumors of me lately? 11. Do you/have you talk(ed) crap about me? 12. Do you think I'm a good person? 13. Would you drive across country with me? 14. Do you think I'm attractive? 15. If you could change anything about me, would you? 16. What do you wear to sleep? 17. Would you come over for no reason just to hang out? 18. Would you go on a date with me if i asked you? 19. If I only had one day to live, what would we do together? 20. Will you repost this so i can fill it out for you?
Yesterday sucked seriously, and its all my fault. Which made it suck worse. Then James made it better. Here’s the story:
Work was uneventful and passed quickly. I discovered that I really enjoy working on the weekends because there’s only three of us in the office and we get to manage ourselves even more than normal. I can kick on the IM and chat with my beloved on the cell between phone calls. That wasn’t the part that sucked.
The part that sucked was on my way home I KNEW when I saw this police cruiser next to me that I was going to get pulled over; and sure enough… Long story short: he was a nice cop and gave me only the two tickets that he had to (75$ each)- one for lack of insurance and one for out of date registration. He did not take me to jail and he did not impound my car. Like I said- nice cop. He understood I’m a fuck-up- not a criminal. He did, however say that because of the lack of insurance and registration that it wasn’t legal to drive my car and that I had to get someone to take me home. Someone to take me home, huh? I didn’t think of it at the time, but I probably could have called Brent to come and get me- but I wasn’t looking for a temporary fix. I needed a permanent solution, as I had to drive to work tomorrow- and the next day and so on.
The first person I always call when I am in a jam, even though she can seldom do much to help me, is my Mom. I let her know what was going on and asked for my rich aunt Carolyn’s number so I could call and grovel for money. She wasn’t home so I left a message. I hate talking to my aunt Carolyn; she always makes me feel uncomfortable, like a skilled defense attorney in a hot Southern courtroom. She’s not in that field, but probably could be. She’s nice and all, but there’s just something about her that makes one uncomfortable; I always have a hard time talking with her.
So with no one else to turn to I called James and let him know that I needed a HUGE favour, and one that would be paid back quickly. He understood and followed the instructions I gave to get me insurance and registration online. Gods I LOVE the internet. You’re the best, you series of tubes you! Within the hour I had all that I needed to drive off and even more love in my heart for my boyfriend. The sale of my BPAL will pay off a little less than half of what it cost to outfit my car with registration and insurance. Thank you so much, my darling and cherished Dark Prince.
I think I’m going to be selling more BPAL. I may even have to drop my beloved extra bottles of Blood Moon and Snake Charmer. Needing money sucks hard. At least I’m learning lessons. Thanks to the past few months I’m going to be a lot more careful about how and what I spend my money on. Sure, there are tons things that I want, but what do I really need them? I’ve really learned to tell the difference between the two. The only treat I’ve been giving myself has been some Publix sushi at the end of the week on payday. This past weekend I actually went to a for-real sushi restaurant, my beloved Kobe for some “real” sushi. It was a delightful treat, and one I felt I had earned and deserved. There will be little room for such treats in the immediate future, but that’s ok. Things are going to be even tighter over the next couple of months that I originally planned.
At least soon James will be here- and then very little else will matter. We will work together and get through the rough patches, cultivating them into luscious and breathtaking gardens.
Normally I get a lot of: "A/S/L?" or "I'm a dom/m looking for sub/f..." Today I got this:
[20:09] growinginflatable: Do you enjoy transformation fantasy with hypnosis? [20:09] *** Auto-response sent to growinginflatable: I am currently away from the computer. [23:34] bunnidarling: Um... [23:34] bunnidarling: thats about the weirdest question I've been asked on Yahoo yet. [23:34] growinginflatable: ok [23:34] bunnidarling: help me out a bit on that one? [23:34] growinginflatable: I have a fantasy that would allow a woman to grow with me if you are interested. [23:35] bunnidarling: i just got off work and am all floofy. Grow how? [23:35] growinginflatable: with your imagination [23:35] growinginflatable: that is how. [23:36] bunnidarling: I like to think my imagination is always growing [23:36] bunnidarling: though I wish it back to its former state of my childhood often [23:36] growinginflatable: and where do you like to grow at? [23:36] growinginflatable: the beach or swimming pool. [23:37] growinginflatable: for a place. [23:37] bunnidarling: Beach. [23:37] bunnidarling: although I do a fair share in the pool as well [23:37] growinginflatable: and do you like to grow in a bikini [23:38] growinginflatable: with me caressing you in my hands? [23:38] bunnidarling: Nah. I don't so much wear bikini's [23:38] bunnidarling: when I'm in the water I have a lovely yet strong fishes' tail [23:40] bunnidarling: As I'm a mermaid. ( Oh yeah. It gets better. )
“Well you know, If you hadn’t angered the coach-man we wouldn’t be in this mess right now, Rina!”
An exasperated and curvy, though short, young woman pushes the door open and stomps inside. She wears her chocolatey curls in a pair of high pigtails secured with black and white ribbons tied in perfect bows; a large, black, furry, pair of ears lay pinned back on top of her head with irritation. The girl’s eyes are covered by a pair of oversized big round sunglasses that look like they belonged on a porn star from the seventies; the actual shades are dark blue-fade to-light blue and the frames are black. If one were paying attention they would notice the black rings around the girl’s striking grey eyes. She wears a too-tight sky blue angora sweater that looks like it’s had the “Flashdance” treatment, and hangs down on Kaetie’s shoulders, showing off her black rhinestone studded bra-straps and striking cleavage. Hanging low around her hips is a nicely pressed dark blue and black plaid pleated skirt that is much too-short, but seems to cover everything. Though, her long black and white striped tail lifts it up enough in the back that you can see her cute, black, ruffle-bottom panties.
Her long curvy legs are carefully decorated: first, there’s the thigh high opaque white stockings, over those sky blue angora leg-warmers that go to the knees (yes, they match the sweater exactly- probably where the extra material went.), and on her feet black and white saddle shoes. Around her neck a carved hematite heart hangs from a thin leather string; she wears a similar bracelet of this string, but instead of a carved heart it has a few shiny carved hematite beads. So, even though she’s exasperated, flicking her tail, with her arms crossed over her chest, she can’t help but look absolutely adorable.
Someone walks in behind her, nearly getting hit with the slamming door.
“’Snot my fault ‘e din know ‘is arse from an ‘ole in th’ groun!”
The subject of love, romance, and relationships has been a pretty hot one for me lately, so with that in mind I thought I’d compile a little list of things that I would like in the other sex. My lofty ideals, if you will. Things will get specific, and I don’t expect to ever meet anyone who falls under all the categories I would like. So let’s begin, shall we?
Looks: I like a big boy. I like muscles, broad shoulders, thick necks, big arms, and big bellies. And what gets me the most: legs and ass! Give me some big calves, bigger thighs, and a nice round ass. I would like him to be taller than me, so whenever we stood together I would feel diminutive and petite like the little flower that I am. I like evenly proportioned faces and intense eyes. A full head of hair that I can run my fingers though and pull on when necessary is quite nice as well. He should be obviously masculine.
Manners: I want a fine Gentleman to light my cigarettes, pull out my chair, open my door, and lavish me with gifts and affection. He should know what to say, and when to say it without being fake or rude. On the same token, he should also know when to keep his mouth shut. I need a genuine soul, like myself, but more bendable and malleable. I need a man I can train, someone not so set in their own ways they won’t bend to my will and whim every now and again. At the same time he should also know how to be firm sometimes and be able to put me in my place when I really need it. He doesn’t have to enjoy the circus (though it’s a plus), but he most certainly mustn’t object to my frequent visits. He must a good sense of humour that borders on the dark side, like mine. He must be at least as intelligent as I am, and if he’s smarter he must never make me feel stupid. He should be a good communicator as well, and not only communicate, but enjoy it. He should leave me sweet little notes to find and call me as much or more than I call him. He should have an Old Soul and revel in the past, or at least understand and admire the fact that I do. He should appreciate me and all I do for him. He should be tolerant and accepting, especially of me. He should accept me exactly as I am and love me for each of my flaws and imperfections as well as my better attributes. He should always put me first when he can, and if he can’t there he had better have a damn good excuse. He should be thankful every day that he found such an amazing creature as my self. He should also not be afraid to share his affection with me, no matter who he's in front of or where we are. He has to love my Mom.
Likes: I’m a pretty big nerd, so my ideal man would have to be of the same ilk. It would be best if he liked video games, but not in an obsessive “I’ll ignore your naked body because I must kill things” sort of way. Remember, I come first. He should definitely like comics, and it doesn’t matter what kinds. My favourites are indy titles, but most boys like Marval and DC and I can’t fault them for that. He should like movies too, the kind of art-house stuff that I do- like period pieces, fantasies, drama, and the good silly comedy every now and then. HE SHOULD LOVE LITERATURE. I’ve craved a man to discuss literature with my whole life, but never dated anyone with a passion for reading like I have. He should love fantasy and magic and all things supernatural, maybe even believe in it. He doesn’t have to be pagan, but should be supportive of my pagan-ness. If he was an otherkin that would be even better, being one myself. He doesn’t have to bat-shit crazy for The Sea like I am, but should have at very least an appreciation and respect for it. He must love cartoons too! We’d never miss [adult swim] and enjoy various weird original flash cartoons together. He should enjoy art, and while I’m at it, he should be an artist. It doesn’t have to be of the visual sort like me, but he should have an art like music or painting or writing that he can create and express himself though. He should be passionate about it and inspire me to be the same way about my own art. He should like good Southern style home cookin’ as well as exotic fare like sushi and Thai dishes. He should love theme parks, museums, and art galleries- especially Walt Disney World. He should also not be a pussy- and ride the biggest scariest rides with me. I would prefer he enjoy my music, but not all guys dig Tori Amos and show tunes. He should appreciate the classics and get joy from the little things in life. He should love adventure and trying new things. He doesn’t have to love shopping, but I would at least like him to accompany me with minimum bitching on necessary shopping trips (I have gay male friends I can do sport shopping with). He should have a wanderlust that matches mine and want to visit exotic locales and travel the world with me. He should also like taking care of himself and not be totally freaked out when I want him to do a facial mask with me, because he’s damn comfortable with his own sexuality. We should be able to learn from each-other all the time and talk about anything.
And now the fun stuff…Since this is a “wishlist” I’m not holding back
Sex:
Overall Style: I can’t stress this enough: he must enjoy giving oral sex and be impeccable at it. I’m talking after an hour he’s begging for more, and always looking to find new ways to curl my toes. My pleasure should be next to divinity for him. He should not look at foreplay as a necessary task, but rather enjoy every sinful second of the pre-coital ritual. He can have his little hang-ups (as long as they aren’t weird or ridiculous), I keep it no secret that I’ll do anything (except anal) to keep my man happy. Any. Thing. With relish and reckless abandon. But this isn’t about me, is it? He should have his own style when it comes to love-making that sets him apart from all of my past partners. In a perfect world he should be able to make me orgasm by intercourse alone un-aided by drugs. I know this is extremely wishful thinking, but that’s the point here! He should know when to fuck, when to have sex, and when to make love and do them all well. He should also like to have sex as often as (if not more than) I do. In that same vein he should also be understanding on the rare occasion that I do say “No”. He should like to be slightly adventurous and like to try new things- like fetishes, exhibitionism, and role-play for examples. He should like to talk dirty but never “go to far” (you know what I mean). He should know when to take sex seriously and when to admit that the whole thing is just silly (Come on! Sex can be funny!). He should also understand the idea of sex being a spiritual and powerful bond with someone, and not take that lightly. And when its all over he should want to cuddle and hold me. He should just be "a cuddler" period, as I am very touchie-feelie myself.
Kissing: I don’t know how describe how I like to kiss, but I’m kind of dominating and I like to control the kiss, but at the same time feel the push-back. I like lots of different types of kisses- but for the passionate “French kiss” I like it as described above. I know what feels right, and typically if I kiss a guy and it doesn’t feel “right” I know it won’t work. When the guy is “right” I can feel the kiss thumping in my heart. Like I said, I little different to describe. Moving along…
Size: And here we come to the tender subject of size. My ideal is an average length with a little above average girth. It should be able to hit my g-spot easily and fill me completely almost to the point of aching without being painful. I certainly never mind being a little sore the next day. Bonus points for being ever so slightly curved upward (like a banana). Think about a polish sausage and you’ve got the right idea (not as long though!). As far as length goes, five to six inches is nice, seven to eight is a nice treat.
Kinks: As long as I can remember I’ve dreamed of a man that would let me dominate him properly. I mean, he should really get into character and be serious and actually get pleasure from the whole event. He should like pain and let me demonstrate my flogging abilities without using the safe-word within the first five minutes. He should every now and again want me to decorate his backside with beautiful red stripes and maybe even a couple little welts. He should like pain so much that he would enjoy the stings the next day and remember our naughty little escapade. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want the whole master/slave BDSM lifestyle, but it’s a fun kink to act out every now and again- get out the frustrations, you know. He should also be excited to try out a multitude of sex-toys. He wouldn’t have a problem with me torturing his nipples. He should love it.
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It’s a tall order I know, but that’s what I’d like.
This was really fun to do, kind of like writing a list of toys you want for Christmas to Santa. I encourage my single friends to do one of these. Its kind of neat to see it detailed out.
Oh. and the exes can't read this. So if you know them don't pass any of this along. Thanks!
Not much of an update, spent most of my morning writing when I could have been having sex. Oh well. I'm pretty happy with how it came out, you guys let me know what you think- and so here are two pooka out on the town:
Well not really. I know I've been neglecting journaling (here and in my paper journal). It's just that I've had so much else to do, or think about, or not think about as it were. I've been playing a couple role-playing games on www.playersofdarkness.com and I've really found my niche there. The people are great and I have a lot of freedom. I've been jobless for a while, but I should be getting a new job pretty soon, at a photo lab of all places. If I get hired my boss will be younger and have more tattoos than I do. So that should be different.
John and I are doing really well. We recently got a PS2, and I have been plugging away at Kingdom Hearts. I've always wanted this game, and am thoroughly enjoying it now that it is mine. I can't wait until I get to go through Atlantica (and get to imagine all sorts of pervy mermaid fantasies). I'm only on level 3 so far, but so far so good.
The 19th and 20th we celebrated John's birthday. He's 21. We didn't do much, just relax and go to a couple restaurants. We both got a membership to a local gym and should really start going more often. I was really surprised with how much I enjoyed going and working up a sweat. John is my trainer on the weights, and to my surprise I can do a hundred reps of 40 lbs with my abs *flex*
I got rid of my bird, Iris. It felt awful to do it, but I wasn't paying as much attention to her/him as I used to, and when I *did* take it out of the cage it would get all snarky and bite hard. So I donated her/him/it to our friend April. She had two cats, and I think Iris is having a better time over there with all of the attention that she's getting.
I got Chuck Palahniuk's new book, Diary and am reading it steadily. Its quite good so far, but I can't really explain it. If you liked "Fight Club" or any of Chuck's other books- you should totally check it out. (Books! Check 'Em Out!)
I recently saw the movie "Frida" and was simply enchanted by it. If you are an artist or just a romantic watch this movie. Its a wonderful story of unconditional love and a very courageous woman. It definitely made me want to know more about Frida Kahlo.
Well that's about it. I'll try and be a little more current. I read all of you guy's journal's every day (just so you know) and really enjoy them. (especially skinartjunkie and pussinboots- who often make me almost piss my pants with laughter)
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